We recently published some comments about Redland City Council’s proposal to implement a Foreshore Landscape Plan for Coochiemudlo Island.
It was titled Council plan upsets Coochiemudlo residents.
If you’d like a taste of what it all means, island resident Peter Wear has written a Council press release from the future – it may be humorous, but the plan itself is no joke.
Redland City Council Media Release 2 November 2035
Citizens of the Redlands!
Did you know that the word “Coochiemudlo” (actually Kutchi Mudlo) comes from the unique dialect spoken on the island? It means “Cooked Meat”, and dates from the year of the Great Foreshore Makeover, 2015, when the number of Council BBQs on Coochiemudlo reached 1 per 67 residents, the highest percentage in the known world.
Redland City Council’s legendary planning division foresaw that visitation to Coochiemudlo would be greatly enhanced if burning and eating animal products became THE highlight of a day on the island.
There was even talk of making it mandatory. Distractions from cooking (grass, sand, trees, and views of the sea) were swept aside to make way for impressive steel and concrete shelters, power-hungry hot plates, and wiggly cement paths representing the tracks of the Planning Serpent.
Landscape designers refer to this as the LEOPOP approach – Like Every Other Park On the Planet.
Before long, day trippers began to succumb to the pressure of Council’s letterbox campaign, hauling meat to the island, and slaving over the hot plates. Outdated island recreations – swimming, walking, cycling, fishing, lying on the beach doing nothing – gave way to the more focused activity of over-cooking protein in carcinogenic oils. Yes, it took hours to buy, pack, refrigerate, transport, unpack and burn the meat.
But a picnic on Coochiemudlo was now every bit as joyful and liberating as cooking for the family at home – just less convenient.
With most day-trippers supplying and frying their own meals the island’s Kiosk and Red Rock Cafe soon went out of business. Islander’s rates, $150,000 worth, funded the BBQ revolution that closed them down. Several islanders lost their livelihood. And while the popular Boat and Bike Hire gang reinvented themselves as a BBQ scrub, gristle disposal and garbage operation, they never seemed quite as cheerful.
But, that’s progress, and a reminder to never get between a council planner and a truly awful concept.
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